Men’s coaching group: unshaming patriarchy

A three month experience for men who are embedded in self-reflexive inquiry to more deeply encounter the subtle ways that we embody patriarchy. A space where our grief and shame can exist alongside our hope, and to soften into acceptance so we can explore new ways of being with ourselves and each other.

without acknowledging the shame at the heart of our experiences as men, there is no transforming patriarchy

In this experience, we will…

build trust to unmask and share our tender parts with other men
compassionately face the denial of patriarchy that lives in our stories, bodies, relationships
accompany our own (and each other’s) uncomfortable and terrified parts
grieve the impacts of domination on us and those we care about
gather wisdom on what men’s culture can be without the shame that rules under it

Join us online from 9am to 11am PST every other Sunday from January 11th to March 22nd, 2026.

I’m experimenting with radical gift economy practices in offering this experience. If you feel the call to join, I will accept a financial exchange of anywhere from $50 - $1000 USD.

I ask that you sincerely take a moment to pause, maybe a few breaths, and check in with your heart and your body to assess what amount fits your resources and feels in alignment to offer to me.

You can find me on venmo, zelle, and wise at rishter@gmail.com.

If this isn’t for you, for whatever reason, it would still mean the world if you could share it with a couple of people who you feel might benefit from this work.

Let’s talk about patriarchal denial

Denial and shame are deeply intertwined, and they come in many forms. Perhaps, for you, it’s the memory of behavior you’re not entirely proud of. A relationship with sex, status, or power that has led you to leave yourself. Desperation, avoidance, substance use. Do you carry memories of a person who isn’t the real you?

Maybe it’s moment where you received feedback that made you feel small. Is your natural pattern with feedback to take it in immediately and try to win the approval of the other person? Or is it to reject those uneasy experiences to focus on what feels good?

Either way, there is discomfort here.

That discomfort is patriarchal denial.

Take a moment here and see what this stirs up for you. What is it like to be confronted with this idea? Do you feel open to it, or is there a tug of resistance?

What happens in your body and psyche when we start to talk about patrirrchal shame?

Denial tells us that the status quo isn’t so bad; it’s inevitable. It promotes an ideology of seperation. Men are meant to be like this, the denial claims. There’s nothing we can do to change.

Patriarchal denial tells us that what we see in pornography and mass media is an acceptable reality, and that we’re supposed to be a particular kind of “man” to be worthy of intimacy. It’s reinforced by other men, by our families, by our romantic interests, by dating culture, by online algorithms. It is a snake that coils around our entire cultural and interpersonal framework.

When I was deep in my denial, I hid my true longing for closeness from everyone, including myself. Walking around in circles, aware of my desire to escape destructive patterns around substance use and sexual attraction, but with no way out. I entered relationships where it felt easy to conceal my true feelings, finding ways to act out when I got tired of performing “being good.” Often, we both did that.

I found it easier to pretend everything was okay, all the while talking down to myself, degrading my self-worth, mistrusting genuine intimacy. I lost friends and repelled romantic prospects, believing I had been abandoned by both society and the people I loved. I held a deep mistrust of men at large, denying my own longing and projecting it outwards to others. I was cruel to myself.

What if we looked at ourselves with compassion, instead? What if we accepted, soberly, that men are trained into disconnection? What if we gently and patiently waded through the discomfort to see what was available to us on the other side? What if we didn’t have to do any of that work alone?

We are gathering as men who are ready to heal. Not with any quick and easy band-aid, but by walking the road of embodied self-inquiry. This group is for men who are comfortable looking at their own shadow without flinching. Or, who are willing to admit they’re scared and might try anyways.

I wish for you that you become a force shedding light on the pain that men experience and create.

I wish for all men to become warriors in the fight to un-shame denial.

I wish for healing across gender, for relationships of authenticity & grace, and self-love for all.